Friday, January 21, 2011

Dear Madey...

This last week has been one full of feelings I had never experienced before..
We went back to school, back to work, back to eating dinner at 9 at night because we work so late.

And it feels …


Kind of empty.

Not real.

I feel like any second I’m going to wake up and Madey’s going to be there.
Teasing me.
Making cookies with me, dancing around in the kitchen with our aprons on.
Watching BYU football with my dad.
Telling Landon to do his hair.
Telling me she doesn’t like Cameron. That she doesn’t want to lose me.

But she’s not here on the earth anymore.
She’s my angel. In heaven.
And I miss her more than I’ve ever missed anyone before.

Some days are easier than others. The days I stay busy are usually the best. The ones where I don’t have to be home alone.
But on the other hand, sometimes the silence is good.
Just to reflect.
To remember.

All the basketball and softball games.
Warming up in the yard.
When she’d make fun of me because I’m “old and out of practice.”
Sitting in the hot sun watching her play first base.
Snagging a ball and tagging the runner out.
Yelling at referees when they make an unfair call.
Madey being told that it’s okay to foul another player on the court.
Just not to foul out.
Cheering loud when she’d score or complete a great play.
Talking with dad at the games.
About anything and everything.

Playing guitar and singing together.
Taylor Swift. Over and over again. Because her songs are fun.
And easy.
She’d make up songs about me.
All of us.
They all rhymed.
And made no sense.
Silly lyrics.
Until she couldn’t think of another rhyming word.
Then she’d just sit and laugh because she thought she was so clever.

Painting toe nails.
Watching movies.
Walking the dogs.
Hoping Buddy didn’t poop while you had his leash because then you had to pick it up.

Sitting outside with her while she whittled a new stick she’d found.
Hiking. Especially that one really long hike where she complained the whole time.
Catching tadpoles at Kaysville Pond.
Cheetos on her peanut butter and jelly like candles on a birthday cake.
Because it was that much better all put together.
Pringle duck lips.
Jelly bean teeth.
Sparkle juice.
Doughnut holes and chocolate milk.
Goldfish and marshmellows.

That one corner where she drove my car.
We both almost pee’d our pants.
Coloring books.
Bubble baths and baby shampoo.
Her getting mad at me whenever I would touch her head.
She hated that.
But I always forgot.
So I kept doing it.
And she kept getting mad at me.
But secretly,
I liked it.

She and I just clicked.
Especially after she got older.
When she was little she was an annoyance.
Then slowly became a best friend.
I was talking to my dad the other day. He called us peanut butter and jelly.
Two very different things that complement each other perfectly.

I miss her.
And I always will.

I love you Madeline..
I can’t wait to see you again someday..


  1. That was beautiful Lindy. You and her were so lucky to have each other to grow up as sisters. If there's anything I can do for you, let me know. I am so happy that you have the gospel and an eternal perspective to help. We love you Lindy! Lindsay and Sterling

  2. Cam and Lindy, I am so sorry. I just read this post a few days ago. Your sister was a beautiful young women. Lindy your post is a wonderful tribute to her.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Love you, Tena