Monday, October 29, 2012

dear Madey:

hi miss madge,

how are you? i miss you. a lot. and you've been on my mind quite a bit lately.
i don't know if it's the change in the weather or something else entirely. but i can't help it.
and i'm glad.

lately, i've fallen in like with this song. every time i hear it, i can see you doing your weird jello-legs dance in my head. so i listen to this song. a lot. and i love it. you always did have better, weirder moves than the rest of us white kids.
because of this song, i watched you dance to the "filet 'o' fish" song several times last night on dad's ipod. all dressed up to look like grandpa rodney, with your shirt tucked into your plaid pajama pants, hat on sideways, and loosened tie around your neck while you held that singing fish on your shoulder like a boombox. we are so classy like that.

sunday night, landon and dad came home from home teaching. cam and i were sitting at the counter. landon was standing next to me telling me about something that was probably important that i can't remember. all i can remember is that as he talked, he moved his hands and arms just like you used to when you told me something that you really wanted to say. i was so surprised that i really have no idea what he even told me about. [sorry, landon.]

i watch peanut head on thursdays right now and i love it. its only for a few more weeks until aunt katie has little baby boy. buts its fun. she loved you. whenever we play, i can see the two of you in the hotel pool, playing and being silly. hearing you both giggle.

we talked about home videos the other day and the memories they help us remember.
how you whined about getting a regular orange in the bottom of your stocking one christmas and landon replied "hey! i got a peach, too!!" like he had won the lottery.

how you freaked the freak when you didn't get a scooter like you wanted. except then you really did.
so embarrassing.

how we were learning to play the guitar together. i really don't play anymore. its too painful.
my heart can't handle all the memories that come rushing back when i do.
like the day mom told me she bought you a guitar for christmas. and i turned green with envy.
the day we both got guitars. talk about a surprise for us both.
[how rude of my parents to wrap up guitar picks and give them to me. i handed the box to you and said "um, i think these are yours." but then you had your own box, too...]
all those taylor swift songs. and how you never said capo right. ever.
the days when you rarely left your room. the only thing you did was strum and sing.
because that's all you had the energy for.
the duets. i will always miss the duets.
[and how you hated when hillary joined in because her rhythm was always just a teeny bit off. still is.]

i had a friend ask me about you today. i was glad she did.
because then i got to remember all of the fun things we did together.
all of the softball and basketball games.
all of the chocolate chip cookies and cupcakes we baked.
and ate.
all of the fantastic things we get because we are a family.
a forever family.
and i am glad.

i miss you, momma bird...
i love you. more than a snail loves his shell.
be sweet.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing such personal thoughts, I bet it can't be easy to miss your sister like this. Remember we love you and we're all here for you and your family.